A calling without and answer. Sometimes God calls us to things, but wants us to wait until His timing. This post is a a little raw, and just completely what God is speaking to me about. If you couldn’t tell I am always all over the place. A lot of these posts come to me last minute. I don’t really know most of the time what I should write, and why. I keep praying God will give me some sort of answer as to why I should continue writing, because I started this blog in the beginning to make money while sharing our journey to living simply.
Then a month after starting the blog I realized that actually making money from this felt completely wrong. There is no need for me to make money from doing this. I felt as though it was a way to serve God while sharing my experiences. This blog post is honestly just my current thoughts. They actually would be something I would write in my journal, but I am sharing them with you.
Draw Closer to God
As I draw closer to God, I am unsure of where He is leading me. I know He is calling me to homeschool, to grow our own food, and to be a good wife, and mother. I also know that, since the age of 17 God called me to be a missionary. I don’t really know what that means to be honest.
My husband and I both have been waiting for God to show us the way in this calling, but we don’t really know. Is He calling us to missions here in the US or overseas? Is He calling us once the kids are grown or not? All I know is that God has called me to this. We keep waiting to be honest. Paying off our debt is super important to us, but also there are so many questions. So many are unanswered. We also feel very unprepared for that calling.
I Was Lukewarm
The long 10 years of me being a lukewarm Christian did not help things. I was deep in the ages of young motherhood with college in the mix, and my husband’s deployment. I was ignoring God, all while going to church every Sunday. Saying the words and doing the motions, but not really listening. I was not seeing. I was really apathetic in my faith, and my life in general. I think this is why my addiction to shopping began. I was living my life as I chose, and not really thinking about it. I was just listening to the world, and completely avoiding everything God had called me to.
I had felt God telling me that I should be a missionary, I cannot remember how at the moment, but I do remember praying that God would give me a completely sure answer. I prayed that He would put the word Nations in my daily reading of the Bible. I was reading Deuteronomy chapter 4 the very next day, and the word Nations was in there and it was in there not once, but many times. I don’t fully know what God is saying in this call.
My husband and I went on a mission trip to see our friends in Vietnam several years ago, years after being called to missions in some capacity. We are so thankful for our time there and really enjoyed our time with friends, but did not feel called to be in Vietnam. We were searching. We still are searching. Eagerly waiting for an answer.
So here we are waiting. Praying and waiting for God to show us the way. To give us an answer to this calling. It is difficult I think to not have answers. God is like that sometimes. I imagine the Israelites in that 40 years of waiting to go to the promised land were completely unsure what God was doing. Or when they were in Egypt as slaves and kept praying for a way out for years and years.
I think simplicity or contentment for me right now is also just waiting and trusting in God’s plan. I have no idea what that means. I am simply leaning on His guidance to direct our paths in the way we should go daily. Praying that one day He will answer and give us guidance.
I found that Bible, by the way, a few days ago with the highlighted verses that God had shown me many years ago. I read them and there were staring back at me reminding me of His calling. I felt a pit in my stomach as I read them. This is photo of it below, and the passages I read that day. Not only did this passage have the word nations many times, the very verses themselves were convicting to me. As I reread them recently I am still convicted by them.
Why do I share all of this?
I share all of this with you to just, because I felt that God was telling me to write this. Also, just so if anyone is being called by God to do something, that sometimes that does not mean right away. Jesus had a calling, but it took him 30 years to prepare for that calling. God’s timing is perfect. We cannot always understand. I simply do not understand. I do know that I have messed up and have not been always seeking to know, and learn all that I should know.